Super Bowl Crib Notes

I must confess that I am a Super Bowl imposter. I am attending a Super Bowl party this afternoon without having watched a single game this season. To be perfectly honest, I have not seen even a few minutes of a game, a recap, a playback, a sportscast, or a blooper for the past several years. Until a few minutes ago, I didn't know which teams were playing, where the game was being held, or what XLIV stood for (my Roman numerals are a bit rusty). To avoid being discovered and disgraced this afternoon, I've just completed cramming Super Bowl info. I thought I would share the fruit of my labors with my fellow football neophytes.

A few tips to begin, do not write these facts on your hand, the inner part of your arm, or any other appendage. If you are suspected of cheating, the evidence will be impossible to destroy. A sticky note or 3x5 card is a much safer vehicle for crib notes. Keep it up your sleeve or, better yet, slip it onto your plate and cover it with a pile of bbq chips. Don't reveal your "knowledge" too liberally. You are sure to be uncovered if you randomly announce, "Super Bowl is a much snappier name than AFL-NFL World Championship Game. So glad Coach Hunt came up with it." Reserve comments for those moments when you are backed into a corner. When someone asks, "Do you think Gay will be up to the game today?" casually respond, "I heard it was just a stomach bug. Can't imagine that will keep him out." 

Now, on to the essentials. The following facts should get you through if used sparingly.

• The rival teams are the New Orleans Saints and the Indianapolis Colts.
• The venue for the game is South Florida, more specifically, the Sun Life Stadium in Miami
• Super Bowl games are always designated by Roman numerals. XLIV stands for 44.
• The Colts had to beat Baltimore and the New York Jets to get to the Super Bowl. The Saints had to win against Arizona and Minnesota.
• The Super Bowl is a face off between teams from two divisions of professional football. The Colts are part of the AFC. The Saints are part of the NFC. The winner of the Super Bowl is the top team in the NFL. If this makes any sense, you are definitely BNTB (Beyond Needing This Blog).
• Head Coaches: Sean Payton (Saints), Jim Caldwell (Colts)
• Quarterbacks: Drew Brees (Saints), Peyton Manning (Colts)*
• Big Names: Marques Colston (receiver for the Saints--This means he tries to catch the ball and run with it. Apparently, he's pretty good at it.), Peyton Manning (This is a familiar name. If I've heard of the guy, he must be decent.)

*Take note of the Saints coach and the Colts quarterback. "Payton" and "Peyton" might trip you up if you're not vigilant.

It seems that the half-time show and commercials are also a big part of Super Bowl mania. The Who are headlining the half-time show. (British band--You probably know more than I do.) The buzz regarding commercials is all about Tim Tebow and his pro-life advertisement. Tebow won some sort of trophy and is an up-and-coming football star. More importantly, he is a man of faith. I must admit that I am mostly watching the Super Bowl to see his controversial ad.

Regarding who to root for, I would suggest casing the joint. Tally the number of Colts fans vs. the number of Saints fans. Choose the side with the greatest number. Or take a few minutes to assess the group before committing yourself. Pick the two or three people most likely to know something (the ones glued to the television set). Go with their opinion. A final possibility is to just root for the Saints. After all, aren't saints supposed to be noteworthy for their faith and virtue. Surely there is something holy about cheering for saints on a Sunday. 

I should sign off for now. I need to prepare my sticky notes and brush up on a few more facts before the game. Then again, maybe I should just be honest and admit that I'm in it for the friends and the food. Certainly I'm not alone.